


Dear 16 Years Old Me

by flaismin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: And there is a little fluff, Angst, Donghyuck writes a letter to himself, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I wouldn't call it a fluff, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Renjun Jaemin and Yeri only mentioned, There is no death but you feel it, We don't know about Mark a lot, okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 21:17:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9460727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flaismin/pseuds/flaismin
Summary: In 06/06/2026, Lee Donghyuck writes to his younger, 16 years old self about his feelings.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this was written a while ago. I've decided to post it because why not? Markhyuck needs more fics. Even if it is a shitty one like this. This is not really an angst but not a happy story either.
> 
> Thank you for giving this a chance! I should warn you that English is not my first language! So if you see any mistakes, please warn me so I can fix them! I'm new here so I don't know how to do many things... I hope you guys bear with me... Thank you in advance!
> 
> [Please read notes at the end.]

Dear 16 years old me,

Hello? Well, I don't know how to start this letter because you know it isn't easy to write to yourself. To past. God, it really sounds stupid because you know, although technology developed a lot since I was sixteen, still,no one knows when we will ever be able to time travel. So probably you, I, will not recieve any of this. Even if you recieve this letter (?) wouldn't it create a paradox? I don't know.

Whatever. You have to get my point. I mean, you are me. I am you.

Also, it is not like I woke up one day and said, "Hey, wait. Let me do something stupid and write to my sixteen years old self who will never ever get this. It will be fun!" No. Believe me, I'm not stupid. It is just my psychologist/friend Kim Yerim's idea. She thought that writing would help me. Help me to overcome some...things... Some feelings... I felt so stupid writing on a blank paper without any purpose so I thought at least I could write to someone I can trust. Well... I sounded like a miserable guy without any friends. I have friends. I have really good friends that I'm thankful to have, that I can take a bullet for, that would take a bullet for me. Still. This topic is something I'm really uncomfortable. I needed to write you.

And this is why I write to you:  
  


Today is my birthday. Today is the 10th anniversary of the day I met him. Although 10 years passed, I still remember the first time I saw him. I remembered it so perfectly that it all felt like a lie. Sometimes it feels like I have never met him, it feels like he never existed. And sometimes it feels like 20 years didn't pass and it was just yesterday and sometimes it feels like a dream that I remember perfectly.

On 06/06/2016, I was walking by my mother's bakery without even giving it a glance. I had just left my piano lesson and I was busy talking with my friend Renjun, also known as Chinese exchange student, about my birthday sleepover. Although he came to my house countless times, he was still unsure about the address. The weather was extremely hot that day. I wore shorts and a t-shirt but it wasn't enough. I felt like my sneakers were melting. I just wanted to go home and lay on the ground, air conditioner was life. And next, I was on the ground. I know, I said that I remember everything perfectly but I don't know why I was on the ground. Maybe I was not careful enough, my mind was busy with the idea of going home and eating ice cream. However, when I lifted my head, I saw something -or should I say someone- that I will never forget in my life. Someone around my age was standing right in front of me, his shadow was falling on to me. He had the palest and smoothest skin I have ever seen in my life. He kneeled down to look at my face and I couldn't breath for a second. His face was paler and smoother than his legs, he had lovely chocolate brown eyes -which were throwing some worried looks at me- and he had _lovely_ small pink lips that brought color to his face. His hair looked so soft.

"Are you okay?" These words were the first words that I've heard from him and I was in shock. His voice... His voice was... He touched my heart with his voice. With him, I really can't word my feelings.

I wasn't okay. My knee was bleeding. He saw it and tried to help me. In the mean time we talked. His name was Lee Minhyung and he was a year older than me. He was living around and he was just going back home from his basketball training.

I also told him about myself. He was interested in what I'm telling. He listened my. When he heard that today was my birthday, he bought me some ice cream and walked me home. I joked and said that it was a good date. He just looked at my eyes and blessed me with his laugh. He pecked my cheeks and said that we should do this again.

That day was unforgettable for me. His smile, his eyes, his hair, his little touch on my hands, his laugh, his lips on my cheeks, him.

He gave me his number and told me to call him. He left.  
  
  


I called him.

Oh, I remember the days I've spent with him, I remember his eyes, his skin, his voice, his lips, his laugh, him.

I remember how he happy he was when I showed up to his basketball match one time. He was so happy and hyped, he scored continiuosly.

I remember his happy times and sad times but what I can't really forget is his words. I remember the first time he told me that he loved me.

We were sitting on his bed, eating his mother's delicious cookies as we watched a stupid movie. If I was alone, I would never watch something like that but when I was with him, it really didn't matter.

We were watching a scene which the main character had cought his boyfriend cheating on him -which was really obvious- and I turned to him to tell how stupid she was but I caught him watching me. Suddenly, the time has stopped, I was lost in his eyes. He was looking at me fondly, his chocolate eyes were on my face. His little lips were forming a cute smile. There was a silence in the room. The movie was running but we couldn't hear anything. Then his voice filled the room.

"I'm whipped." For a second, I couldn't understand him. Then, I giggled. He bit his bottom lip.

"Stop," he said. "You are hurting me."

I stopped giggling and pressed my lips, trying to hold my giggles. He looked into my eyes and whispered.

"Donghyuck-ah, I think I love you."  
  


I loved him too.

I loved him a lot.

I loved him so much.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


But it wasn't an "and they lived happily ever after" story for us.

On an another hot day, a year later, on 06/06/2017, again, I was walking by my mother's bakery without even giving it a glance. I had just left my piano lesson and I was busy talking with my friend Jaemin, also known as my best friend, this time about my birthday party. The weather was extremely hot that day. I wore shorts and a t-shirt but it wasn't enough. I felt like my sneakers were melting. I just wanted to go home and lay on the ground, air conditioner was life. And next, I was on the ground.

There was no one to help me.

I knew nothing, when I fall on the ground that day. I wasn't expecting anything. However, later that day, my world shattered, pieces fell on my dreams.

His house was empty. He didn't answer his phone. His furniture was gone. His family was gone. **_He_** was gone. But his smell was there.

I remember crying really hard in front of his house but it wasn't even a start. When I went home, I found a diary, a note left for me. It was from him.  
  
  


He was sick!

He was sick all the time!

I didn't notice it!

I'm stupid!

He wrote about himself, he wrote about me, he wrote about _us_ in that diary.   
  
And two goodbye notes.

First one was for me to read when I found the diary:

_"Hi, Donghyuck! You must be angry because I didn't tell you but don't be. I didn't want to make you upset. I will come back as soon as I get cured which I will! Hey, if you cry, I will really beat you up. You have to smile! Do you know how beautiful your smile is? Well, this is not a real goodbye. So I won't keep it long! See you! Happy birthday and I love you!"_

Second note was for me to read 10 years later which means I have to read today. But I'm not brave enough to do it. Because, I think I already know what he wrote there. I already know. That one is a real goodbye. I'm not ready. I don't want to do it. So... I won't do it.

Today is June 6th, today is my birthday. Today is the anniversary of the day I met him and also the day he left me.

He gave me one perfect, one happy year. The best year of my life. And he took all the happiness and all the other years from me.

I'm not even angry.

That one year worths all my life and I'm happy to give all my life just to spend one minute with him.

Maybe this is why I have to see Yerim more often. Don't get me wrong, our sessions with Yerim are really working and she is a good friend of mine -although I don't like it when she tries to make me meet with her friend Saeron.

My life changed a lot.

But one thing never changes.

I love him.  
I miss him.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

  
I miss him and love him so much that it hurts.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Then, you will ask, "Okay, but why did you write me? What should I do?" Well, my answer is, nothing.   
  
You don't have to do anything. Just, love him.  
  
  


Best wishes,  
26 years old you.  
  
  
  


P.S: Was it too weird? Sorry.  
P.S: Well, I'm not sorry because you won't recieve this so...

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I don't know why I keep writing things like 'letters' and 'texts'. Here are somethings I want to say about this fic.
> 
> a) I imagined that when Donghyuck wrote this letter he was full of emotions, even crying at some parts so he kept it simple and short. He was kind of forced to do it and although he found it silly, he still wanted to give it a chance. He never thought that thinking about Mark or not forgetting him was a problem to fix, but he wanted to minimize the pain.
> 
> b) I really thought if Donghyuck should commite a suicide or not because what he felt for Mark was more than what he wrote in the letter. He didn't have the words for it, I guess. But he didn't commite a suicide because it would upset Mark. Mark wanted to live but he didn't have a chance (?). So Donghyuck decided to live for him.
> 
> c) We REALLY don't know what happened to Mark. Someday, I may write a second chapter to see his point of view or his goodbye letter OR his return. (I don't know, really.) [or since I'm really into SciFİ time travel could be found and Donghyuck coul- HAHAHA NO.]
> 
> Thank you for reading this! Please leave a comment!


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